Hypnotherapy? My mother would have snorted. But that's why I went.

I had a very loving Mum. Loving, sometimes, to the point of smothering. Of over controlling, particularly when I was younger. I was reading an article earlier this week about toxic parents (naturally, I can't find it now) and was sorta kinda surprised, but not much, to find a paragraph describing some of her behaviour to a T. She wasn't super toxic, but toxic enough to make me a secretive person who made my decisions behind her back rather than have her make them for me. Which she was very good at.

I miss her. She mellowed when I got married and clearly realised I was finally a big girl and was capable. She's been gone four years.

Since my teens I have played out conversations in my head with her. Conversations in which I finally get the upper hand. You'll understand this didn't happen often in real life. Mum was ALWAYS right. She'd just wear me down until I gave up.

Even with Mum not here any more, I was still having those conversations, or remembering particularly hard ones that took place, and actual arguments. It was getting me down. I couldn't shift them. I couldn't move on.

Coupled with doing work that no longer floats my boat (graphic and web design, managing a chamber of commerce) I was pretty well down in the dumps at the end of January when the work started to flow in again and I was trapped at the bloody computer.

Ach, you say. Chuck it in and do something else. Easier said than done. I'm not qualified for anything else, but I've been doing a lot of professional cat sitting recently and that may well become my new earner.

All through January I did cat sitting, and a more zen role I can't think of.  Mid-February I felt like crying every time a new email came in. So a friend who'd also been in a terribly bad way (read: borderline suicidal) put me onto her hypnotherapist, a lovely woman who had helped my friend do a complete 180 in terms of mood. My friend is now rocking life and taking bad news in her stride; after a shocking start to the year she's coping well and being positive.

Now Mum was scathing of therapists - after all, why would you want to talk to a stranger when you could nut your problems out with your family, your mother? Hmm, but what if your mother was your problem? Or part of your problem, along with low self-esteem and self-love and a lot of anger as I'm too passive/aggressive.

So I saw the hypno. I had my first session six weeks ago and have felt subtle but positive changes. The Mum conversations have gone; if I feel one coming on I remember happy times, giggles with Mum, holidays and love instead. I'm calmer within myself. I'm calmer with inanimate objects such as my computer (and believe me, that's HUGE!).

I'm wondering if the yoga has also contributed to the calmness. I no longer get irate with other motorists unless they do something really stupid which jeopardises my safety. In Sydney that's a daily occurrence but these days I ignore the dopes who don't indicate and those with other small misdemeanours.  But I digress ...

The hypno has tried to instil a self of strong self-worth, and I think it's happening. I saw her again today and she said she could see and feel a real change in me and my energy. We did another session which worked on me feeling more powerful and loving towards myself and my body conquering and getting rid of my psoriasis (let's hope that one works, it's shocking at the moment). I certainly went well under today, far deeper than the first session.

The only snag is the recording on my phone stopped of its own accord 11 minutes in. I'm giggling at the thought that perhaps Mum was there and stopped it! Anyway the hypno is going to re-record it and Dropbox it to me.

I'm hoping this is the year I can become the me I was always supposed to be, not the one I was told to be. Old habits die hard but I think my hypno is killing them softly.

The things I do for Psoriasis. Now it's Dandelion Tea

I've suffered from Psoriasis for about 15 years. It started off as a little spot on my right leg when I was camping with friends by the sea. I thought something in the sea had bitten me and my doctor gave me cortisone cream, which seemed to fix it.

It came back after a few months, with a friend. Cortisone cream sorta kinda kept it in check. Fast forward to 2015 and my lower legs are spattered with plaque Psoriasis. I am on a steroid ointment for four weeks, then I switch to a non-steroid cream. The ointment keeps it in check and my legs (and now, elbows and one wrist) look pretty normal for the weeks I'm on it. Once I'm back on the cream for a couple of days it flares up like you wouldn't believe and spreads. So I'm fighting a losing battle. Roll on 1 August so I can have my four weeks of ointment.

It's not painful, it's not itchy. It's just ugly. While I can cover up in winter (and it's usually worse in winter as there is less humidity and you don't get much opportunity for Dr Sunshine to do his stuff) summer is buggery for me. I still have to wear long trousers or tights with skirts.

So every so often I head to the interwebs and research more about this pesky auto-immune disease, which is incurable. It can be brought on by stress and is often inherited.

I'm deliberately trying to minimise the stress in my life by cutting back my work hours and spending time outdoors - working in the garden, going for a walk. As for the inherited bit, well, I'm adopted so I have no idea what my genetic cocktail is.

These are some of the ideas I've tried in the past couple of years:

• Using olive oil, coconut oil or sesame oil on my plaques. All that did was make my jeans oily unless I then wrapped the offending area in cling wrap.
• Using Vaseline on the plaques to keep them moist. See that bit about oily jeans above.
• Drinking Organic Apple Cider Vinegar. I didn't notice any improvement. And let it be said that the smell of any vinegar makes me gag.
• Taking Vitamin D capsules. I'm doing this at the moment as I don't get to strip off in the sun much in winter. Sunshine in small doses is the best way to let Psoriasis have its necessary dose of Vitamin D.
• Smearing Aloe Vera on the plaques. I have an Aloe Vera bush so this is one is a nice free of charge idea. I've been doing that for about a week. No difference.
• Cutting down on just about every food I love. This has been a real bummer. Spicy foods are a no-no apparently (and nobody enjoys a seriously good curry like I do). Gluten? Out! (Nooooo... I love my sourdough!) Dairy? Out aside from yoghurt. Tomatoes and potatoes and other members of the Solanaceae family shouldn't be eaten. Nor should my winter joy Ruby Red Grapefruit (but apparently lemons are OK). Mangoes -! Mangoes -! Why, why, why? My favourite fruit ever. Oats are out - and porridge is one of our breakfast staples. Wahhhhh!!! Seafood - I don't want to live if I can't have the occasional seafood treat. And I shouldn't drink alcohol. Humph. >:-((((( I do love my glass of wine with dinner and have no intention of becoming teetotaller.  Fags are out too. So I have failed on the Food To Cut Out front. Totally. If I have to give up all the food I love I won't get much enjoyment out of life. I might not have plaques but I'll be utterly miserable. I'll be suffering from depression!

These last few days I have been reading up on both the Mediterranean diet and the findings of Dr Irene Prantalos, who is based in Melbourne. She has been a lifelong and very serious sufferer of Psoriasis and through diet is now plaque free.

In general it seems a Mediterranean diet is a pretty good match for Psoriasis. Dr Prantalos has taken it one step further and created a Mediterranean Diet for Psoriasis, and today I bought the e-book of this on Amazon, together with her book Feel Great in Your Skin, 7 Simple Ways to Heal Psoriasis. (Note the word Heal... it can't be healed truly but it can be controlled so it goes into hiding. But most people will respond to the word Heal).

Both these books sound the knell of doom as far as my favourite foods go. Whether I can stick strictly to these recipes for any length of time I don't know. There will come a day when I will scream, "I hate bloody cabbage - and dammit, I want garlic on my chicken tonight! Or chilli! I need curry - now!"

I think if I can incorporate a few of them into my daily diet and be mindful of all the naughties and cut down on them I may see a difference. Some of the recipes just don't appeal to me, especially anything with cabbage. And while Dr Prantalos stresses it's important to use organic when you can, I don't have the budget. I can grow some leafy greens organically but our local organic grocer charges an arm and a leg. Oh, and eat lots of fish. I love fish but it's bloody expensive. Having a chronic illness is not a cheap business.

I'm sure G won't like some of the recipes much either, and he'll have to eat them as I'm not cooking two different meals at any time of the day.

One of the things Dr Prantalos suggests is Dandelion Tea. It's apparently a real goody for Psoriasis. So I bought a box of Dandelion and Chicory Tea at the supermarket today, in the absence of a simple Dandelion Tea. I can't say I'm hooked on the taste. It didn't exactly make me gag but it's not something I'd choose if I didn't think it would do my skin some good.

G is away for two nights from tomorrow so I'll have the opportunity to test drive some of the recipes in the book and read more about the 7 Simple Ways.  And drink a lot of Dandelion Tea.